Oh fuck.

Alive, not dead. No worries as of yet. I gaily spit up blood, it's quite fun really.

You have some rather unique ideas of fun. Eccentric indeed.

Get well soon, your death would be most inconvenient to us, etc.

Have you received any more mushy communications from your parents?

"Sorry to hear about your difficulties with the home office. Good luck with the tumor."

Seriously though, we know you enjoy the part of the hard-bitten, Hemingwayesque expat but perhaps it's time to step out of character and play the whiny, demanding, American wuss who insists on the best of everything. Take yourself off to the Mayo Clinic or Sloan-Kettering and if the gits from the Titanic are bothering you, have the nurses throw them out of your hospital room.

You may have heard this from others previously, but really, you are quite insane (and I mean that only in the most affectionate possible, but still highly concerned manner).

I know, normal people are boring, but when it comes to organs necessary for continued existence, perhaps you might consider that boring isn’t always a bad thing. And yes, even if most people can exist with but a single functional lung (and I’m hoping that whatever this turns out to be involves just one and not both lungs). If the doctors are forthright enough to admit their own limitations, for chrissakes, listen to them!

On the bright side, at least tumors aren’t contagious, so presumably you won’t be a public health pariah.

Sending more virtual chicken soup, though by the sounds of it chicken soup is but a palliative measure, if that,

Eva

Yes, well, I am what I am. Were I not I, I wouldn't do the work I do.

In re the parental units, my father kindly advised me today that he was presently researching potential mortality rates given the detials he has, which is more than you all of course, and the like, and would be keeping me abreast of his reading on oncology and death rates. He's a most engaging man, you see, always looking on the upside.

Yes, well, I am what I am.

And we'd all like you to continue being what you am, Popeye.

Honestly, if you did financial risk analysis the way you do it for your health, all of your clients would be living in cardboard boxes and investing in Iraqi dinars.

As you do do the work that you do, I challenge you to apply that identical skill set to this problem. It's not a matter of warm, fuzzy feelings, it's a matter of numbers. Your father is on the right track. In fact, there's even data available showing survival rates for specific conditions at individual hospitals in the U.S.. I'm willing to bet that the survivial rate at the community hospital in Bumfuck, North Dakota is better than that of the hospital in which you are currently incarcerated.

Go make yourself a spread sheet and do the analysis, if you need to. Find the best program. Find the best hospital. Find the best doctor. As I'm sure you know, money is no object. Spending it on things like this is what it's for. Anyway, I'm sure you have expensive insurance. I would consider it a personal favor if you would screw the insurance company for every penny they're worth, and then some. It would do my hear good to know that, as I pay my grossly inflated premiums, at least someone is getting some benefit out of it.

Some MENA numbers:

Cancer Causes Control. 2002 Sep;13(7):609-16.

A case-control study of lung cancer in Casablanca, Morocco.

Sasco AJ, Merrill RM, Dari I, Benhaim-Luzon V, Carriot F, Cann CI, Bartal M.

Unit of Epidemiology for Cancer Prevention, International Agency for Research on Cancer, Lyon, France. sasco@iarc.fr

OBJECTIVE: To evaluate etiologic risk factors for lung cancer in Casablanca, Morocco. METHODS: We conducted a hospital-based case-control study that included 118 incident lung cancer cases and 235 age-, sex- and residence-matched controls. We analyzed the data using matched univariate and matched and unmatched multivariate logistic regression analyses. RESULTS: Active tobacco smoking and history of chronic bronchitis were the strongest risk factors for lung cancer in the matched logistic regression model. Multivariate odds ratio (OR) and 95% confidence intervals varied from 1.79 (0.47-6.79) for former light smokers to 26.07 (6.58-103.27) for current heavy tobacco smokers at the time of disease occurrence. Combined use of hashish/kiff and snuff had an OR of 6.67 (1.65-26.90), whereas the OR for hashish/kiff (without snuff) was 1.93 (0.57-6.58). History of chronic bronchitis had an OR of 4.16 (1.76-9.85). Other slightly increased risks of lung cancer were found for exposure to passive smoking (1.36; 0.71-2.62), occupational exposures (1.75; 0.84-3.63), use of candles for lighting (1.44; 0.42-5.01), and poor ventilation of the kitchen (1.22; 0.57-2.58). CONCLUSIONS: This study confirms known risk factors for lung cancer and uncovers potential new etiologic ones such as the role of hashish/kiff.

You seem absurdly young to have something like this.

I would have expressed relief at it not being TB, but this sounds even more alarming.

At least with TB you could have breathed over people that annoyed you.

Just a note of interest. The word cancer is only mentioned on the 8th comment on the page. I think the Louns's penchant for euphemism is rather infectious...

A tumor (if, indeed, it turns out to be one at all) doesn’t necessarily mean cancer – an equally freaky thing happened to a former co-worker’s husband, also young and a nonsmoker. In the end it turned out not to be a tumor at all, rather some kind of weird node thing which was relatively easily removed. (Luckily for him, as he did turn out to have kidney cancer at the same time and had to have a kidney removed as well. But kidney cancer apparently has much, much better survival rates than lung cancer. Having one organ removed was no fun at all, but 2 at the same time definitely would have sucked. But 2 years later, he is completely fine.)

Probably best not to jump to conclusions, especially on incomplete diagnostics.

I find the (obviously well-meaning) armchair diagnostics/advice/speculation pointless and rather irritating.

Then again, I'm in a very bad mood.

Well, just trying to point out, as someone who was once diagnosed with cancer (albeit a generally much more slow-growing and less fatal type, unless, of course, one lives in the developing world, where it’s generally not caught until it’s too late to do anything constructive – I am a poster child for routine medical exams), had surgery, and it still here and totally cancer-free several years later, no need to panic until one knows what the hell is going on.

Well it would make for a novel exit strategy, I must say. Although in this case I'd much prefer a less dramatic one. Best wishes, Lounsbury.

"(obviously well-meaning) armchair diagnostics/advice/speculation pointless and rather irritating."

What? "Offering pointless and irritating armchair diagnostics/advice/speculation" is the blogger Shahada! :-)

Well I'll overlook your commentary, but only because you're really funny.

Best wishes Col. Get well.

Comrades, detractors, mere random commentators, etc.

No overdone worries please. While my attitude here is in effect my real life attitude, at the same time you can be assured I am surrounded by irritatingly helpful people who have badgered me into seeking genuine medical assistance and are insisting on the best, etc.

At the same time, to be more serious about myself than usual, my personal concerns are running less to health than the awful timing of this. Having just gotten my little JV done, having my exit strategy come together, and then... booom, my direct director quits and I find out this.

Well, you can imagine that even I have had a bad moment in the past few days.

However, whinging on, panicking and running around like a chicken with its head cut off does no good. And I am the man - and let me assure you it is no mere posing - who walked himself delusional and I confess in fear of dying, for emergency appendicitus operation (actually in the Maghreb itself), and the refused to Med Evaced.

Which is to say, no mere stupid lung idiocy and annoying inconvenience gets me out of the game.

I am the man - and let me assure you it is no mere posing - who walked himself delusional and I confess in fear of dying, for emergency appendicitus operation.

Bah. Hemingway would have removed his appendix himself using a bottle of Cuban rum and a cigar knife.

Kids today!

On a lighter note, what are your thoughts on the wave of kidnappings in Iraq?

Hemingway, however, I always disliked as an idiot who wanted everyone to be a loon like him. I presume most people do not want to be me, and I am happy with that.

In re the kidnappings, I have not been following such for the obvious reasons, but it appears some stupid morons were fucking about in a dangerous place when they probably shouldn't have. But again, I have had other things on my mind, as you might suspect.

No apologies. Bad form.

The rapidly growing tumor thing sounds worrisome. I know, I know, fuck-off with the whining. In any event, get well soon and best regards.

On the upside, at least this is the only blog in the whole bloody blogosphere where no one dares to put shitty little {{{{{{hugz}}}}}}} emoticons and assorted ascii hearts and angels.

Stiff upper lip, Noli te illegitimos carborundorum, and get well soon.

L-

i'm not a doctor, nor have i seen your diagnosis. HENCE - no fucking "pointless and irritating armchair diagnostics/advice/speculation diagnosis" from me.

you'll be missed while you're away.

you'll be welcomed when you get back.

'nuff said.

--raf*

Someone has to indulge in self-indulgent MENA centered rants, commentary and otherwise keep 'Aqoul useful.

Don't worry, everything is under control. I've asked Sam Stone to come in as a guest commentator while you're away.

Hurry back!

TS

Well I'll overlook your commentary, but only because you're really funny.

Thank you, I'm here all week.

They say Laughter is the Best Medicine, and even if it isn't, it makes the spots of bother (Jeez, I'm starting to talk like the L) less bothersome.

To the L: Get well and behave. Keep us informed.

PS to L:

"My Semi Useless Lazy Scum Colleagues & Co Authors"

How dare you! I never do anything half-assed. Drop the "semi", please, I am TOTALLY useless.

Don't worry, everything is under control. I've asked Sam Stone to come in as a guest commentator while you're away.

And if you don't hurry back, we may have to ask December to take over for Sam. I've always harbored the fear that he and I are blood relatives, and have been looking for an excuse to e-mail him and find out once and for all.

(If that doesn't provide you sufficient motivation, I don't know what will.)

Well, Lungsbury, to echo what I said when you got mugged, this isn't your year, either.

Of course, what I am really worried about is, if you do die...who gets the apartment?

And we'll have to concoct a cocktail in your memory, but what ingredients?

If you wind up getting treated in Manhattan, I know this really great hospital-based psychiatrist, absolutely crackerjack, classy dame, brunette...well, she was ten years back. Not that you'll need one, but really pleasant to look at. And ready with the morphine when the time comes.

BOP has more on oldman. It turns out that he was born in 1973! His academic papers are being gathered up, some heretofore uncirculated.

re: the kidnappings. Pacifist bunch, very much into planting themselves between Israeli armed forces, pissed off Israeli settlers, etc, and Palestinians, typically to protect the Palestinians. More "sensible" organizationally speaking than the kids who had one of theirs run over with a bulldozer some time back. Until now.

If you end up getting treated in NYC, send an email. I'll read appalling sheikh-lit romances to you as you convalesce, hopefully helplessly.

Re the properly pecuniary question, the apartment goes to the local JV partner.

As to the idiot pacifists, after Berg.... Well were I not distracted and about to get on a plane for Med Evac, I'd have a comment.

we may have to ask December to take over for Sam

That crossed my mind seconds before I read that.